


Bad, Cellphone, Bad!

by Littlebluejay_hidingpeanuts



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:01:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22423015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Littlebluejay_hidingpeanuts/pseuds/Littlebluejay_hidingpeanuts
Summary: Exercise based on Jonathan Swift’s A Modest Proposal. A ridiculous argument meant to sound completely logical.





	Bad, Cellphone, Bad!

Cellular phones, though faster than telephones or talking in person and useful, have caused more problems than advantages. People have become more impatient for information and less willing to wait for inspiration or emotion. They want to contact people within seconds. The Internet or music must be at their fingertips at all times. Whatever happened to happily owning a physical representation of music, like a CD or record? Where have all the huge, personal, mind-like space called computers gone? There is only one solution. Cellular phones have got to go.

There should be designated areas built for phones. Like the smoking zones, “cellular” zones would be where one is forced to go when one wishes to talk on his phone. Or like “inside voices” in libraries, when in buildings, one’s voice, when speaking into a phone, should be as soft as a whisper. These machines are equipped to pick up the sound of a butterfly’s beautiful, fluttering wings. If one is going to obnoxiously shout in to a mechanical toy, one should be forced to turn off one’s phone or leave the premises until one learns one’s manners. 

Not only do people want to be heard across the phone waves, but they want to hear their phones as well. So many people have gotten excited about the new ringtones, a new way to personalize a phone with sound. The only problem is the need to choose a ridiculously loud “siren” or annoying song. Cellular phones can be set to vibrate or “silent” modes, but these solutions are dorky or lame. Whatever happened to the lovely sound of a dial telephone? That jolly jingle, that gay ring that told you succinctly that someone was calling is gone forever to be replaced with rap music or “Stewie” quotes. 

Another problem is the texting. Texting is ruining the English language. High school essays are filled with lingo that could only, IMO, acceptably be called trash (SMS language). And in school no less! OMG! Students go to school to learn. Yet what could they possibly learn from their friends right that second that they cannot learn during the passing period? There is real anxiety to be found in the habit of always having to answer the phone no matter what the consequences. It is as if people cannot stand to let the phone ring without picking it up. In the movie “One Missed Call,” each person gets a call from the last person who died (One Missed Call). This call was made at their time of death, but the person never actually answered the call. It just seems to appear in their inbox. This would never happen nowadays. That phone would be answered immediately, having the person talk to a corpse. It would not even reach the second ring: it would be answered so quickly. Not only do people nowadays have the compulsion to answer, but to check their phones regularly. Many can be seen taking their phones out of their pockets to check that there are no new messages, to check the time, or maybe even to see if they still have the damn things. It is an annoying habit. 

Cellular phone owners also call all the time. I had this one friend once. She was really in love with her boyfriend. They were going to get married. Her boyfriend’s family cared for her, too. Wherever she went she would get calls from them asking her where she was. The calls were sometimes only fifteen minutes apart. This friend would come over to my house for an hour and we would go out for coffee. She would get calls the entire time. “Where are you? Where are you?” they would ask. Chances are, if someone is at someplace that they said they would be, they are still going to be at that place fifteen minutes later. Calling them every ten minutes will not get a different answer. So, please, stop calling loved ones all the time; just trust them. It is illogical and expensive. The rates are not going to get any cheaper if people continue use phones constantly. When looking on the Internet for an idea of what the typical person would pay, options for number of allotted minutes, long distance, texting, and accessories, like music, photo, and video, piled onto the total. It is very hard to find a straight number of minutes on the cheapest phone. 

Then there is interference. If one is trying to get through static and not making it, just hang up and call them later. If someone calls while one is driving, just let him know what is happening, hang up, and call back later. This is not a crime. Using a cellular phone while driving is. New Mexico has a handheld ban on cellular phones by jurisdiction and in State vehicles (Governors). What if someone got hurt? Taking one’s eyes off the road for one second to call someone is just as bad as drinking and driving. In that one second, a person crossing the street could be hit and killed. Cellular phones distract and take one’s attention off the road. This can lead to death. Car accidents are not pretty. Do the moral thing and hang up. The person who one was talking to will probably not die within the next hour. They will be available for one to call back.

Using a cellular phone forces people to lose that personal contact with other people. One cannot see expressions or read body language over the phone. All emotion is lost. “The cell phone has changed our sense of place more than faxes and computers and e-mail because of its ability to intrude into every moment in every possible place,” says Paul Goldberg in his article “Disconnected Urbanism.” America is becoming a mechanical world. Everyone is using tools and electronics. This is not all bad. Electronics have obviously increased the number of people who survive surgeries. But neither is it good. Americans have lost the passion that made the United States a great nation. All the hope and determination that went into building the country is gone, to be replaced with the frivolous need for material objects, like cellular phones. 

Right now not everyone has a cellular phone, but not for long. There is not much time to stop this epidemic. The window of opportunity is closing fast. The people of America must start now in order to rid the country of these devices. Granted, in some situations, cellular phones are very useful. In emergencies or in matters of importance, it is a wonderful thing to be able to call someone up for help, but those instances are few and far between. Cellular phones must be destroyed.


End file.
